I think this is a sentiment which is shared by many other medical students. We all start our first year, excited to have actually made it, feeling kinda proud of the fact we got into one of the most competitive courses out there, and ready to take on the world! We start off by attending every lecture, every tutorial, every anatomy lesson - fascinated by all the wonders of the human body. But then, as time goes on, lectures begin to bore us, tutorials seem like a signing-in exercise, and anatomy lessons just stink out your clothes and hair whilst making you feel really fucking hungry as you stare into the depths of a cadavers abdomen (I'm not joking; formaldehyde is an appetite stimulant. Delicious.) I'm a lot lazier than I used to be, and my main motivations for turning up to something is if my attendance for it is compulsory, and I need to sign myself in. I don't turn up to things because I'm excited for learning! Lectures are sparsely attended now, especially if the slides are going to be up on Moodle later. The exception to all this are clinical teaching sessions on wards and things, because they directly help us with our communication and clinical skills - which are essential for OSCEs. And, usually, they are taught pretty well. But no one wants to turn up to a lecture with some dude reading off the slide. I have better things to do!
We have to learn everything ourselves anyways, and there's far, far too much content for us to be formally taught. By final year it's understood that all of your studying will be completely independent, save for the few odd tutorials here and there. There is just so much to know, so many little points to remember about all the different ways the human body can go wrong, and all the different treatments and medications you can give. This past year, my fourth year, I genuinely felt that my brain could no longer absorb any more information, it was completely saturated with facts. And don't get me started on all the stuff I needed to learn for OSCEs. Not only would I be tested on my knowledge, I'd also be tested on my bedside manner and the quality of my interactions with a total stranger. Thankfully, I passed fourth year, but it was honestly the hardest year of medical school thus far. And I felt pretty dead inside by the end of it.
The following exchange happens so often: "What course are you doing?" "Medicine." "Oh wow! That must have been quite hard to get into!" "Yeah, it was." The difference between how I would respond back then and how I respond now, is that I now sound pretty resigned and deflated, instead of excited and happy. It's not like "yay, I'm a medical student!" It's more like "fuck my life, I'm a medical student." Being a medical student changes you. And, to be perfectly honest, being a UK medical student changes you even more.
Everyone in the UK are aware of the fact that the NHS is crumbling. It's at breaking point. And us students see the realities of it on a daily basis. Regardless of whether you're a doctor or nurse or a cleaner - everyone who works in the NHS feels the same way. It's bloody hard, and pretty much every single doctor I've been on placement with this year feels demoralised and overworked. It's kinda sad, because it feels like this is my future, to be a pessimistic, overworked NHS worker.
But there is a cool part to it all.
I get to do things normal, everyday people can't do. I get to see things some people will never see in their entire lives. My favourite moment on placement ever was when I actually got to administer an antidote to someone who was overdosing on opoids - and the results were almost instantaneous. I was on such a high. So despite all the complaining and the cynicism, there is a bit of a silver lining.
It's a pretty cool fucking job.
-Tania
Keep writing!
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